We as humans are allowed to grieve many things. It is not only death. Loss happens all the time. Whether it is loss of a a living friend, an old life, an old body type or shape, ANYTHING. And today I feel sad. I am currently grieving my old life. Actually two lives; my first life was life before children and the second the life with one child. I was just getting use to having one child and being able to spoil him and give him all the attention he needed and wanted. It was just us because at the time I was single and all I cared about was my precious little boy. Fast forward to about September of 2022 and here I am pregnant again. And was I in denial for five months, cause there is no way I am pregnant. How am I going to do this? How am I going to split the love I have between two babies? How am I going to take care of a newborn and a toddler? I know many people have done it before my time and all but this is MY first time going through it. I really just end to crawl under a rock my entire pregnancy. But now he is here and I love him with all my heart lol. I know right all that stressing over nothing. However, I have no time for myself 😦 I have been trying and trying to find time. I tried at night but by the time I get to night time I am so exhausted from working and taking care of my babies. I also tried at 5am, now my breastfed infant wakes up as soon as I get up, and I have to take him with me. And that’s not time to myself fr, I want to be able to watch a movie or put my headphones on and turn the music up real loud. But nooooo I’m looking over my shoulder every five minutes. I just really need him to get a little older so that he can sleep longer.