I have kinda of been going through a lot of downs lately, if I am being completely honest and I don’t want my first few days as a new blogger being all negative. Even if that is all I feel like delivering. I was very happy and excited about my new venture. I felt before I officially started I had all types of positive things to say. I was feeling all types of happy and ecstatic. And then it all changed I am having a ROUGH time in my relationship with my significant other, family and a couple friends. I need to start praying again, well writing my prayers down. It just seems more concrete when they are written down I guess. Because I do pray, I just need more focus and a better train of thought when praying.

next morning. I have a homely home, a working car that allows me to get back and forth to where I need to be. I have enough food to feed my family and clean water to drink. I have a sister who is in a wheel chair and will most likely be in one for the remainder of her life. So I think about how grateful I am to still be able to use my legs, so I dance and walk every chance I get. I am grateful to have two loving and beautiful little boys. Who are very healthy. I had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy aftermath. I have a job that even though I do not want to work, I am grateful enough to be able to make money to take care of my boys and myself.

I would just like to say that I am especially grateful for the family I have created. The one that I came from was not the best. And I am still learning to cut the toxic traits that have been embedded in me my whole life. Things such as yelling and getting beaten. I have been called everything but a child of God. I never felt the love form neither of my parents. One was absent and said out of his own mouth that he did not want me. And my mom felt the need to share that with me every chance she got. And I became so dependent on her, that she had the ability to build me up and tear me down in the same breath. And I allowed her to continuously do that to me. It is very heartbreaking. She is a woman who wants her children to completely and solely depend on her, so that she can throw it your face the first second she can.

I love my mom don’t get me wrong, she raised me. She brought me up she just could’ve went about it differently. I promised myself, that I wouldn’t call my children out of there names and beat on them. I would show them the love, that I wish was shown to me. I will be patient and kind. I will spend as much time as I possibly can with them, because they need to know that their parents love them unconditionally and I don’t want to instill fear in them. I want them to able to trust me and respect me and know that I only want the best for them.

I am grateful for the family I am creating, because not everyone gets this opportunity. Not everyone can have children or a wonderful spouse. Who understands the importance of spending time with family and creating a family that loves and cares for one another. I hope I can continue to be the mom and woman my family needs me to be, simply because that is what we deserve. I grateful because they inspire me to get my life together so they can see what a healthy relationship and family bond. I will not say that me and my spouse are perfect, far from it. but what I will say is that we want nothing but the best for our children and we will continue to works towards that beyond any healthy means.

Let me know what you are grateful for in the comments ; )!